Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize