i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
