sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
