Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize