But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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