Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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