Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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