JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
