I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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