Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
