Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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