...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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