I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
