I CAN MOONWALK!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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