Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
