You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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