Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ttyl tear gas
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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