I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
