oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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