You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
