My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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