so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
