Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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