If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
