So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
