Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude i'm inner monologue high
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
