remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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