I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
