I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
