New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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