I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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