hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
