I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
