No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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