Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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