the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
