Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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