waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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