Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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