She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
