dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
