Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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