this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
