Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
