Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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