dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
