Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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