Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the day after is always just damage control
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
