one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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