New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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