so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
