Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
