It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
