oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
