Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
