Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
