How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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