You just made me feel so damn special
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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