yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
