i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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