I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
