She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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