Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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