i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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