I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
